For those of you that know me personally, you know that I am still child-like in some ways. (Probably child-like in some ways as well. :-D) I still like to play and hang out with kids. I usually feel more comfortable with kids than adults. I like to be silly and play jokes.
However, this is getting harder and harder to pull off. Mainly due to the fact that by body is not cooperating with me very well. It is starting to be very obvious that I am not the 20 or 30 something year old that I envision myself to be.
I have blogged on this before, but only about my face and the fact that it looks like it is melting when I lean over to the side.
Now, other body parts are joining in the parade.
My latest fixation is on my knees. I know have the dreaded elephant knee syndrome. Have you ever seen elephant knees? How they are pudgy and wrinkly just above the knee? How in the world do you make that go away? I coach gymnastics part time and wear shorts in the summer. I cannot figure out how I am going to deal with these knees out in public. I already have to make sure my triceps are flexed the entire time that I coach so that I don't injure anyone with the flapping that occurs there when I move my arms.
Also, my eyes are becoming squishy. You know when you rub under your eye? Well, know when I do that, the skin squishes up and stays distorted for a bit.
As a matter of fact, a lot of my skin looks different now. It is almost like I lost a ton of weight and was left with a lot of loose skin. Or it is a size too big for my body.
Never mind the spider veins and the grey hair.
It looks like I am gonna have to give in and accept the fact that I am getting older. I am going to have to change my thought process on the whole thing. I always thought that I would age gracefully. I thought that I would be a mature adult with it all together. Boy, was I mistaken. I do NOT have it together, I am NOT mature, and I am definitely NOT graceful.
I am trying really really hard to remember that we are all made in the image of God and that he loves who we are on the inside and not what we look at on the inside. I hope that I do a much better job of instilling that ideal in my daughter's than I did in myself.
Do any of you struggle with self-acceptance?
***Prayer requests:
Travis Shumard just started his first round of chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He is 15 years old.
Becky Smith just had a double mastectomy and is starting her treatment for breast cancer.
Please visit and leave them a note of encouragement.
As always, let me know you were here.
10 comments:
I went to the MOST amazing woman's simulcast yesterday by Beth Moore called So Long, Insecurity. I am going to get the book there was just so much to learn from everything! (The books name is also So Long, Insecurity) and I think you should defiantly read her book! It was truly inspirational! I wish I could have shared the experience with you! I miss you and Love you!!!!! We are all Beautiful in His eyes!!! (And I think you are exceptional!)
Hannah
If you want us to believe that the physical situation is as dire as you suggest, you are going to have to change your blog photo. Clearly you are much too young and too thin to have so many loose skin issues.
Embrace growing older, Pam. You can still hang on to that wonderful child inside you. In fact, as we age, it's easier to give that kid permission to play. Plus, along with age comes wisdom, plus the confidence to share what we know.
I know that gravity is not necessarily our friend. But since I'm working really, really hard to actually be blessed enough to GET old, I guess I'm happy with whatever changes take place...besides, my "girls" haven't pointed toward Mecca in many, many years.
:-)
God bless both of these people with a lot of courage and strength to conquer what they may be faced with.
As for you, you write beautifully, you coach gymnasts and do whatever else you do. Isn't that aging gracefully? Because i am already jealous.
Pam,
Thanks so much for mentioning my blog and for requesting prayer for me; you're a dear!
And as for all those annoying "body issues," I'm with you on those. Oh well. At least we can all age gracefully together.
I may be just a teenager and dealing with these issues yet but for some encouragement... I work at a pool over the summer checking passes and I am amazed at how many senior citizen women still wear bathing suits. I myself would be mortified to wear shorts and a t-shirt as you are but somehow around 30 women come to the pool everyday and let it all hang out. I am friendly with one of them so I asked her one day how she gets up the courage to wear a bathing suit to the pool everyday and she responded, "My blotchy skin, my hanging fat, and my wrinkles are just my way of letting everyone else know that I have lived my life to the fullest." I will never forget these words or her. As for embracing the child inside of you, I say go for it because this woman was also seen everyday sitting in the kiddie pool having splash fights with the kids. I know this is a long comment but I needed to share this woman's experience of old age with you.
My goodness you sound just like me! I relate to EVERYTHING you have said. I agree with Sue G though. Your blog photo tells a different story. You look too good to have these issues. :-)http://brooklynbooklover.blogspot.com/
Oh My ! I had thought of taking a work out class at the aquatic center but if that lady of 30 was asked how she has the courage to come out in her bathing suit,I do not think so. I am 68. You guys don't know the meaning of the word "flab", mine is flying in the wind. Pam, feel good about the child inside, be happy and I hope you dance.Feel good about your inside and outside beauty.
I am 42 and very childlike. I refuse to look my age and I'd much rather hang with young people.
With me its not my hair, I can color that. Its not my eyes. Its my thighs. They look 80 years old. Go figure. I no longer wear shorts or a swim suit because of it.
Too funny! I love it! Seems as though alot of things change as we get older, the main things being our minds and bodies......what shall we do to change this? Absolutely nothing I say. I love to hear about others life experiences as I have endured many of my own......but I like that you are sharing your life with us. Many blessings!
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