I refuse!!

For those of you that know me personally, you know that I am still child-like in some ways.  (Probably child-like in some ways as well.  :-D)  I still like to play and hang out with kids.  I usually feel more comfortable with kids than adults.  I like to be silly and play jokes.

However, this is getting harder and harder to pull off.  Mainly due to the fact that by body is not cooperating with me very well.  It is starting to be very obvious that I am not the 20 or 30 something year old that I envision myself to be.

I have blogged on this before, but only about my face and the fact that it looks like it is melting when I lean over to the side.

Now, other body parts are joining in the parade.

My latest fixation is on my knees.  I know have the dreaded elephant knee syndrome.  Have you ever seen elephant knees?  How they are pudgy and wrinkly just above the knee?  How in the world do you make that go away?  I coach gymnastics part time and wear shorts in the summer.  I cannot figure out how I am going to deal with these knees out in public.  I already have to make sure my triceps are flexed the entire time that I coach so that I don't injure anyone with the flapping that occurs there when I move my arms.

Also, my eyes are becoming squishy.  You know when you rub under your eye?  Well, know when I do that, the skin squishes up and stays distorted for a bit.

As a matter of fact, a lot of my skin looks different now.  It is almost like I lost a ton of weight and was left with a lot of loose skin.  Or it is a size too big for my body.

Never mind the spider veins and the grey hair.

It looks like I am gonna have to give in and accept the fact that I am getting older.  I am going to have to change my thought process on the whole thing.  I always thought that I would age gracefully.  I thought that I would be a mature adult with it all together.  Boy, was I mistaken.  I do NOT have it together, I am NOT mature, and I am definitely NOT graceful.

I am trying really really hard to remember that we are all made in the image of God and that he loves who we are on the inside and not what we look at on the inside.  I hope that I do a much better job of instilling that ideal in my daughter's than I did in myself.

Do any of you struggle with self-acceptance?


***Prayer requests:

Travis Shumard just started his first round of chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  He is 15 years old.

Becky Smith just had a double mastectomy and is starting her treatment for breast cancer.


Please visit and leave them a note of encouragement.

As always, let me know you were here.

Very disturbing entry - also quite useless

This is probably the strangest and most useless blog entry that has ever been posted. As a matter of fact you may want to stop reading now, because what follows is quite disturbing.

Let me set the stage. For those of you that know me, you know that I have a LOT of hair. I also have a lot of weird issues. One of my weird issues is my wet hair touching me. So, the other day after my shower, I was blow-drying the ends of my hair so that it would not drip on me (I am cringing just typing it – ewwww.) Anyway, I was leaning far to one side so that all of my hair was hanging down in the air and not on my back. I then leaned a little forward. While blow-drying my hair, I happened to look in the mirror and noticed something quite strange and frankly downright frightening. I noticed that gravity was not my friend.

My face looked quite strange. It actually looked like it was melting. I was leaning to the left while using the dryer. The left side of my face looked like it was stretched realllllly far and the right side of my face was all bunched up at my eye. After I got over the sheer terror of realizing that was MY face, I became interested to see what would happen as I moved around. Unfortunately, I discovered that it was not just that one position. As I leaned further over and forward and backward, my face continued to morph into unrecognizability.

I knew that as you aged, your skin lost elasticity and have even noticed it around my eyes. However, NOTHING could have prepared me for what just happened. I am still in my 30’s! Not by much, but I am holding on to the 30’s with dear life. I forget quite often how old I am. I don’t think I will forget any more, though, as that image is indelibly etched in my brain.

I am still going back and forth between being mortified and morbidly fascinated. I keep finding myself in front of the mirror leaning over in different ways.

Now, I am going to be curious as to which of you go and try this when no one is looking. Let me know if you discover strange contortions of your face. If you try it and nothing changes in your face – well then PHHHHTTT. Just kidding, it will happen soon enough.

You may wonder why in the world I posted something like this. My reasons are two fold – one, it gives everyone fodder for teasing me with, as if you needed more ammunition. Two, it gave me a chance to use my new Mac book and see how well it works with blogger.

Thanks for reading this absolutely pointless entry.