Why do my eyes keep leaking?

I have decided that I need a tear duct transplant, mine are obviously defective. They leak all of the time, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m angry, when I’m frustrated, etc. It seems to be my default response, and frankly, I’m tired of it.
Lest you think I am exaggerating, let me tell you about the strange things that I have cried about in the last week:


1) I was talking with a friend who was concerned about some struggles their child was having. She started crying. So, I cried because she was crying.

2) I was talking with a teacher friend at school about a mutual child we were concerned about. I cried because he showed empathy and concern.

3) My mom’s closest sister is not doing well. I cried because she was sick, I cried because my mom was sad, AND I cried because my mom pulled on some crazy inner strength and was dealing with it very well.

4) The strangest – I cried because I saw a young lady, around 18 – 22 years old, walking with an elderly lady holding on to her arm, going into QuikTrip gas station. We walked in behind these women and stood close to them at the Slushie area. The young lady proceeded to read each and every flavor to the older lady, telling her the ingredients in each, as well as explaining what each different machine did; made drinks, icees, shakes, smoothies, coffee, etc. She let her pick out what she wanted and made it for her. As we stood next to each other getting lids, I told the young lady that seeing them together was one of the most heartwarming things I had seen. She thanked me and told me it was her great aunt. I then proceeded to tell her that she looked just like my aunt (see above) that was not doing so good. This girl then proceeded to tell me that she was so sorry and then gave me a hug. As soon as that happened, I started crying all over her. Of course, my children pick this exact time to come around the corner and see their overly emotional mom wrapped in the arms of a complete stranger and crying on her. The girls, knowing me the way that they do, just waited until we were done and we left. You know that you cry too much when something like this doesn’t even faze your children. J

So, while some of these were normal things to cry about, the QuikTrip thing is just ridiculous.


While I know some of you will say that this just means that I care about people, I seriously still think that I have got to get it under control. It is hard to ever deal with anything when all you can do is stand there and blubber. Imagine you wanting to confront someone who has been disrespectful to your children. How effective can you be while crying? Have you ever tried to be professional while crying? It doesn’t work.


Any suggestions on how to “toughen up?” Or at least enough to contain my crying until I am in a more appropriate place?


On another note, a couple of weeks ago, we sung this song at church:



I have heard this song before, but it never grabbed me until we sung it at church. We sing acapella (without instruments) at our church, and to me, that makes the songs much more powerful. It is just a room full of people singing with nothing else to focus on except the words. I personally like to close my eyes when we sing because then it feels like it is just me and God.

I encourage you to listen to this song and really pay attention to the words.

Oh, guess what I did when we sung it at church?

I cried. Big shocker there, huh?


Sign the guestbook and let me know you were here. If I don’t get a lot of signatures, I may just cry. Of course, if I get a lot of signatures, I will definitely cry. So, I will probably end up crying no matter what you do, but you can at least make it a happy cry. J

Hey - remember me??

Wow, it has been a long time. Not sure if anyone still visits or not, but if so, I’m glad you’re here.


I kind of took a blogging break over the summer. I enjoyed my wonderful kiddos and my sweet hubby. Each summer I realize how little time I have left with my kids at home. J. is going into 10th grade this year and M. is starting 6th grade – Junior High!! I cannot believe they are that old. Nor can I believe that I am old enough to have children that old. I still believe that I am a decade younger than I am. It is always a big shock when I realize that I will be turning 40 in January instead of 30.


While we did not do anything extravagant this summer, we did get to spend some quality time together. We had day hours at the gym, which let us have the evenings all together, which will not happen during the school year.


Since I tend to be verbose, here is the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version of our summer:

- J. got to go to church camp in Arkansas
- The girls got to gymnastics camp and train with the GA Gym Dawgs. They loved it!
- We got to spend some time at our family’s cabin in the mountains – our favorite place
- Vacation Bible School
- Anniversary trip with hubby to Gatlinburg, Pigeon Forge, and Cherokee
- Starting on the orthodontic road with M.
- My baby girl turning 12
- Drivers Ed. For J.
- J. getting a boot on her foot for tearing up a ligament/tendon and bone bruising
- Went to funerals for 3 different people
- NOT GIVING IN TO THE DEPRESSION MONSTER!!


The depression monster really tried to get me this summer as I had a lot of things hitting me all at once from many different locations. I really worked hard into not giving in, but it took everything in my power. While normally I have a very low sense of self worth, I was actually quite proud of myself for being able to hold it together this time. I have never had some of the things happen to me before that I had to deal with over the summer; nor have I ever been treated the way I was by some this summer. I got hurt very deeply while dealing with some stresses at my jobs as well as a lot of changes going on at church and at home. There were many nights that I cried myself to sleep, and many days that I hid in the bathroom and cried. There were many times that I could not stop thinking on all of the things that were going on. However, I NEVER gave up hope! This was due to many factors – good friends, good family, and a great God. I remembered all of the wonderful things my “online” friends and my “church” friends, and my “work” friends and my family have said to me along the way. I also remembered the promises that my Father in Heaven made me about never forsaking me and that if He led me to it, He would lead me through it.


I appreciate all of you sticking with me and for being such an important part of my life.
Also, you friends listed over there on the right of my page? I truly love you all and send my apologies for not visiting your sites lately. I kind of removed myself from the blog world for a little while. I did miss you all dearly and hope that I will be accepted back.
Now I am going to spend my last evening with my family before school starts.

Hug your family – you never know when it will be the last chance you get.

Those left behind have it the hardest

If you have not read my last post, scroll down and read that one first.

Little Ryan was welcomed into heaven tonight by his mom Missy.

While Missy and Ryan are no longer in pain and are able to now be together without their longtime cancer companion, the rest of the family is left without their wife/mom and son/brother. They are now planning a double funeral.

Please stop and think about this for a minute. Can you even wrap your mind around that?

I beg you to stop by Ryan's site and leave this family words of encouragement.

I also ask that you get angry. Get angry at cancer. Why, with all of the advances we have made in cancer treatments, do we still have families that have to go through this? Why do our best treatments leave people with burns on their skin and poison flowing through their veins? Missy had a cancer that gets tons of research and funding. Ryan had a cancer that does not get tons of research and funding. Yet, they both had the same outcome. Cancer stinks. I loathe it and what it does to people.

The Morgan family did not deserve this. No family deserves this. Please remember them in the days to come.

Thanks for stopping by.

Ryan's site: www.superryan.blogspot.com

Why?

For my first blog in a while, I had planned on coming on here to tell you the struggles we have had over the last month and how we were dealing with them.

Instead, I come to you begging you with all of my heart to pray for the Morgan family.  Ryan is 10 years old and has been battling neuroblastoma since 2004.  He has repeatedly fought long and hard with this monster that will not leave him alone.  Last week, he was sent home on pain management as there is nothing left for them to do.  To make things worse, Ryan's mom, Missy, was diagnosed with breast cancer in August of 2007.  Last night, Missy lost her battle.  Ryan is not doing well at all.  Please, please, please, pray for Les as he lost the love of his life and is now on the verge of losing his little boy.  Pray for Heidi and Will as they lost their mother and are watching their little brother get weaker.

Any "struggles" that I was having over the last month pale in comparison to what this family is dealing with.  

To visit this family, click on the following link:

www.superryan.blogspot.com

Thanks to you all!

Mamasita

Irony, Gratefulness, and Prayer Request

First off, the irony. I wrote a lot of random things in my last post. One of those items was my wonder if my children would grow up to be strong Christian women. I also wondered how I would feel if they did NOT, would I still love them? I think I have my answer. It is a resounding YES.

The very night that I posted this, there was a crisis beginning in another family. Friday morning, things looked really bad for this family. Friday night, however, brought unimaginable heartache to two different families. I will not go into much detail here out of respect for both families. These 2 families lives will never ever be the same.

The gratefulness is for my church family. One of the families involved is an integral part of our church. There are many generations of this family that attend as well as extended family members. This morning, our entire church service was devoted to prayers for this family as well as covering scripture that reflected on grace and mercy and forgiveness. The songs chosen focused on the same themes. This family was all sitting in church. Things could have been so different. The church could have turned their back on them for having a family member that made such a grave error in judgement. The family could have hidden out at home rather than face the questioning looks and possible inappropriate words of others. Instead, they knew that they were loved and would be held up by those that love them. The church surrounded them with love and prayers. They stood firm on the scripture that states that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God as well as the fact that God's grace is sufficient for ALL and that Jesus died for ALL of our sins.

Is our church perfect? No. But if myself or any of my loved ones stumble and fall far away from God, I have decided that this church is the one I want to "have my back."

My prayer request is for both of the families involved in this tragedy. Both families have many unanswered questions; questions we may never know the answer to. While most prayers are usually always with the victims in any situation, I beg of you to pray for the parties on both sides, they are all hurting and need as many prayers as you can spare.

I may never post more details about this situation, I don't know. I also know that this is quite the cryptic post. I just ask for you to love those around you. You never know when it may be the last time you see them. I ask you to always remember that everyone you see is someone's son or daughter and that they are loved. I beg you to show others the grace you would want shown to you.

Thank you for your time.

Seinfeld-esque

Did you ever watch the TV show Seinfeld? If not, it was the show about nothing. That is kind of how this post is going to be – a lot of nothings with no point whatsoever.

My blog buddy Natalie did something similar to this and I really enjoyed reading it. I am going to piggyback on her idea, with a few changes. Most of these are hypothetical questions that I don’t expect an answer to in this lifetime. Others are just things that stress me out and keep me up at night.

I am doing this for 2 reasons: I haven’t had a minute to put together a coherent entry. Out of the 4 computers in our house, only one is both working and accessible right now. Of course, it is the one computer that I don’t have any of my pictures on. With all of us fighting over the computer, my turn doesn’t last long.

Anyway, here goes.

Why do people on a multi lane highway drive the same speed as the car next to them? That creates a wall in which no one can get around. Why can’t they either speed up or slow down and/or change lanes? It’s not that hard.

Why do people think it is okay for them to turn left into the school entrance that says “No left turn?”

Why are people disrespectful to my kid(s) in front of other people and then deny it? Especially when a whole room full of people can hear it?

Why do networks find it necessary to put so much language and sexual stuff in shows that otherwise would be great shows that we could watch as a family?

Why am I so talented at having things get mangled somewhere between my brain and my mouth? Things sound so different in my head.

It bothers me that I may have to take anti-depressants my entire life.

I wonder if I will ever “get it together.”

Will I ever get enough sleep so that I am not always so tired?

When we get to heaven, will we be forever the age we were when we died?

Will we recognize each other in heaven?

Why can people make decisions that affect other people without conferring with those affected?

Will I ever be happy with myself?

Why do I have so many strange quirks? Can I make them go away? I don’t want to have issues with certain sounds and textures.

Will my kids grow up to be wonderful Christian women?

If they don’t, will I still be able to show unconditional love and acceptance?

Will I ever be able to find the movie Pure Luck on DVD?

Why have they not found more cures and treatments for cancer, especially childhood cancers?

Will I ever be caught up on laundry and house cleaning?

Why do my grey hairs all grow in the same spot?

How did I get so blessed to have such great blog friends, a handful of awesome friends that I see on a regular basis, a husband who loves me as well as likes me, and two amazing kids???

How was that for a post about nothing?
Leave me some comments and let me know some of the things you ponder.

As always, thanks for stopping by. Hopefully soon I will post a blog about an actual topic. Or with some pictures. Or at least a coherent thought. If it is a good day, maybe all three will appear in the same entry. Who knows???

My "other" girls

As some of you may know, I coach a level 3 gymnastics team.  We had our state meet this weekend.  They finished 8^th in the state, out of more than 30 gyms.  YAY!!

 

While I am excited about how well that they placed, that is not the point of my entry today.  As their season comes to a close, I look back at some of my favorite memories, both of the season and of the state meet.

 

As I look back on all this time together, I have decided that I am too much of a softie to ever lead a cut-throat, unbeatable team.  What has touched me the most has not been high scores and 1^st places.  It has been watching them grow and mature and become a “team.”

 

They came in as a bunch of scared and nervous girls.  Now they are friends and supporters.  I have seen my girls hug each other when they learn a new skill.  I have heard them cheer each other on when they see one of their own struggling.  I have had them jump up and do the “stay on the beam” dance when one struggles to stay on the beam.  I have had them crawl in my lap and snuggle.  I have had them wrap around my legs when I am walking.  I have seen them holding hands with each other while they are getting instructions. 

 

I am more proud of my girls for their actions at the meet than if they would have come out in 1^st place, but without their wonderful personalities.

 

Let me tell you a couple of excerpts from the meet so that you can see what amazing young girls that I have.

 

When we were at the bars and some of the girls would get to a skill that they had been struggling with, I would hear them quietly cheer, “YES” when their teammate made their skill.  They came and sat next to me during beam because they knew that I needed to hold on to someone when the girls are doing their handstands on beam.  They let me hold their arm or leg.  (There was once that I accidentally grabbed the leg of the girl that was the timer for beam, but that is another story for another day.)  They did a modified “stay on the beam” dance with me while their teammates were doing their handstands and leaps.  They cheered their teammates loudly, they told them good job and high fived them no matter if they stuck their routines or not.  They were able to shake off a bad event and not take it with them to the next event.  They made me and their other coach so very proud and we love them dearly.

 

The rest of the season will be spent training them for the next level, learning new “fun” skills and getting them ready for their new level and new coaches. 

 

I am going to be sad to see them go, but proud to see them progress.  It is almost like having kids.  You have to give them roots before they can grow wings.  Whether these girls stay in gymnastics or not, I hope that they remember the lessons they have learned and the coaches that loved them.

 

So, obviously I do not have what it takes to make these girls be state champions that will always outscore everyone else.  That would take someone much tougher than I am.  Someone who does not get teary eyed when they are crying during conditioning.  Someone who does not think one of the best parts of practice is getting the hugs at the end of practice.  Someone who does not feel so honored when they want to come sit in my lap or lay their head on my shoulder.  Maybe one day, I will be “tougher.”  For now though, I am going to enjoy the ride and the joy that comes with it.  

As always, leave me a comment (click the word "comment" below) and let me know you were here.