As I have stated before, comparing life to a roller coaster ride is quite an accurate analogy. The nervousness and tenseness over what is coming, the fear as it gets closer, the desire to turn around and get off as you crest, the terror and thrill as you plummet, the amazement that you survived after the descent, the wonderment if you can handle it again as a new climb begins, and finally, exultation at the end that you survived it and could survive it again.
This past week has been one of those roller coaster rides. There were so many emotions that were experienced this week that it has left us a little dazed.
We had 3 gymnastics meets this weekend. (Don't worry, the whole post isn't about gymnastics.) The team that I coach had their very first meet ever. This was also my first meet as a team coach. I was nervous for myself and each of my 15 girls. However, they all did such an amazing job and came in 2nd place as a team! Woo-hoo! My own daughters each competed this weekend as well. M. scored a 9.5 on vault! It was a beautiful vault. She also brought her all around score up by around 2 points from her first meet. (When scores are measured by tenths of points, a 2 point change is quite an improvement.) Her team came in second place as well. Their team score came up by about 5 points from their last meet, which is incredible. J. scored her highest all-around score ever! Her team came in first place, by about 5 points. So, all in all, an incredible weekend gymnastics wise.
However, in the midst of all of this, we got hit with several not so wonderful things. I really cannot go into much detail of the exact circumstance. Even if I did so, it would not do an accurate job conveying the emotions involved. I can say that it struck our foundation really hard. I will try to use a hypothetical situation to help everyone understand. Think of something that is a vital part of your life or someone in your immediate family's life. It could be a job, school, church, a group of friends, a support group, or something like that. Now, imagine that you all of a sudden found out that it was no longer going to be the same. Imagine that it was going to change so drastically that it scared you. If it is your job that you are thinking of, imagine if someone in headquarters was going to revamp your whole department, and your favorite boss or mentor was no longer going to be there. Granted, there are reasons for this decision, whether you agree with them or not. However, you struggle because the people making the decision are basing their decision on what they feel is best for a department that they are not a part of. If you work in the department, you will see this decision completely differently than those that are not as emotionally involved. You also know how the news will be received by those affected. You know that it should have been handled differently. They know it too, but they realized it too late.
You know that there had to be a legitimate reason for the decision. You have to trust that those in charge know what they are doing. You have to have faith that they are looking out for those they are leading. You have to accept what has happened, maybe not quietly, but you have to accept it. You have to. Or else you will self destruct. You have to believe that the entity that is such a strong part of your life will still be there for you. You have to realize that those involved are humans, and that you must have grace.
The hard part is watching your child cry herself to sleep at night. It is hard watching her friends cry. It is hard to see them go through so much inner turmoil - more than they normally go through. It is hard seeing the fear in your child's eyes because they don't know what is going to happen next. It is hard to explain to them that there may be something good that comes from this. It is hard to know that they feel unimportant. It is just hard.
I am at the point on the roller coaster ride where I want to get off. This isn't fun anymore. I want to go back to 2 weeks ago when my kids were happy. When they felt important and loved. When they felt like their opinions mattered to others. However, I know that this isn't possible.
I know that all decisions cannot be based on what we want. I know that these things happen and I cannot change them. I also know at the end, when this ride is over, I will feel exultant to have survived, as will my children. I will feel a little better prepared for the next ride. I am starting to see some of the "good" already. I see my oldest daughter deciding to step up and be a leader to help some of the other kids who are upset and scared. She and several of her other friends talked and decided to step up together to help with this. I see other teenagers so affected by emotion that I know they will never be the same. They will be more approachable and more appreciative. I believe this will force some of the kids affected to take more control of themselves. I wonder if some of them may have gotten too dependant or too comfortable in their comfort zone. This may open some of their eyes to the fact that they alone control their lives. I see people showing passion that before were kind of lackadaisical. Passion, whether positive or negative, is much more effective than nonchalance. Passion shows care. Used properly, it can be a very powerful tool. I see more parents becoming involved. I see leaders realizing that decisions on paper and decisions in real life are two different things.
So, am I happy about these events? No, absolutely not.
Do I think that it is what is best? For my family, no, definitely not. As a whole? I'm not sure yet.
Do I think good can come out of this? Yes
Am I scared of the changes? No. I am terrified.
Do I trust those that made the decision? Yes
Am I a barrel of contradictions? Yes and no. :-)
Do I believe that God will help guide us through? Oh yes!
So, if you have read to the end, kudos to you. It probably makes no sense whatsoever. I just needed to get it all out.
Thank you for listening. I would love to hear how any of you have dealt with unforeseen life-altering events. I want it all - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
8 comments:
Oh, Pam, it's so hard when life affects our children. We try to protect them for as long as we can, but life often interferes and has a different plan. What you are all going through seems traumatic now. I think there are multiple reasons for that. Change is difficult. The unknown is scary. Comfort is, well, comfortable, and discomfort pushes us to see beyond what we know today to a place where we can learn from tomorrow. The important thing to remember is to stay open. What may seem like obstacles now are really opportunities. But, we have to be part of creating those opportunities.
I know I always come off sounding like Pollyanna, but I also know you know much of what my life has been like the past five years. I speak from experience when I say that it is absolutely necessary to step back from our personal perspective in a situation and try to look with a bigger scope, a bigger intention or purpose. If God is in everything, what do you see Him doing in this? The Bible says that when we accept ourselves as Christians, we are renewed in our spirits and now have the mind of Christ. Well, Christ always trusted God, no matter how dire the circumstance appeared.
So the only real question becomes: What is the good (the God) in this situation? And then wait in faith for the answer. It will come, perhaps not in our time, but definitely in His.
Consider it all good.
Sue G
www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther
I did read it to the end, no, I didn't understand, but please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers and that your roller coaster will stop and let you all off. Keep up the faith!!!
God Bless~
Debbie
Hello, my new Mamasita "little mama" PGC-lovin' friend! :<) It was a real pleasure meeting you and your beautiful and sweet girls tonight. I still cannot believe that the one person that M asked me if I knew.. I actually KNEW! Is that wild or what? We were MEANT to be friends... ! Oh, and btw.. we also were meant to go through trials and afflictions. All of us, even our kids. And I've discovered that it is MUCH harder to watch my son go through a hard time than for me to do it myself. MUCH harder. Oh, I know the whole "butterfly emerging from the cocoon.. has to struggle or it's wings won't work" story.. but still, don't you want to just make it "all better", even when they're older? But we can't. Only God can do that. And until they learn that one simple fact, life WILL be hard. And once they DO learn that one simple fact? (and I mean LEARN it.. not know it, like book knowledge, but KNOW it in their very heart and soul)... life truly becomes a very interesting journey on the way to the very best of destinations.
Blessings, my new, real.. flesh and blood .. friend! and may your fried pickles always be perfect...
I read the whole post. Even though I don't know the actual situation, it doesn't look fun at all. I hope something good comes out of it at some point (and soon!).
Good luck!
Oh gosh. I don't know if I have any words of wisdom at all. Every situation in life is so relative and personal, you know? I guess my thoughts in challenging times is to lean on my support system and then hopefully remind myself that it could be worse--someone could be sick or dying or harmed in some way. I try to remind myself that in the end, I will perservere and make the best decisions possible with the information available at the time, and then no looking back.
This probably isn't helpful at all, so I'll throw a little prayer your way and try to make up for my lame attempts!
Pam,
I know it has been hard to look at this in a positive light, but you did state some. This action has given the students a chance to stand up for their beliefs and the affects that this situation will have on their lives. Hopefully after today it will guide them a little more (although you know how I felt about the knowledge given) in what to do. Be proud of J and how she used this experience to be even more of a leader amongst her friends. She was very brave to cry in private, even though it was a struggle. The easier thing would have been to lose the trust of the person who informed her and just give up on it. She stuck by her wits and did not go spreading and gossiping with this knowledge.
Emotional/life rollercoasters are not fun but eventually the ride does end and hopefully you get to "walk around and stand in line" before the next one.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you...
I read it all the way to the end.
I am so sorry for your troubles....life does get hard. It sounds like your daughter has incredible strength and a good head on her shoulders....such good news when we as mothers we try so hard to give what ever they need.
Then again it is so hard to stand by and watch......for my older children I wish everything could be fixed with a hug and a kiss...like it use to be.
How do I handle my struggles.....I worry, pray, pray some more, cry, get mad, and write on my blog.....then I pray again....life can be wonderful.......and hard.
Some how it will all be okay.......and your family will be stronger for it in the end. As my husband says "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Sometimes he does know what he is talking about. Just some times. ;)
Crap sandwich on the table again at Kristie's. You called it, girlfriend. :<(
Post a Comment